It's been cold as fuck outside and can get quite nipply at night so with a wild hair I decided to change the colors to those of nipples, just because I could and I thought it was funny...Besides, who doesn't like nipples?
I mean nipples are not as controversial as smoking in a bar or the Christmas season...(and it does say Christmas on the calendar, and most folks get that federal holiday off besides.) Not that I'm against any of the other holidays that come about around this time of year. If ya celebrate them, then enjoy them . Don't bitch if I choose to say Merry Christmas, as it's a greeting meant to wish another wellness and happiness. It's not a fucking curse of death or a wish that your mama gets a yeast infection so bad she could sell it as chunky soup or something.
The season brings back both happy and very sad and depressing memories for me. I can recall a few happy childhood Christmas seasons as well as those that sucked major ass and were damned depressing.
I also miss being able to celebrate with family as well as being glad I don't have any too close to drive me insane with petty arguments or stupid fucking comments.
I really miss that my mom isn't around to call and wish a Merry Christmas. I miss her alot. It's hard to believe even now that I'll never talk to her again on the phone or get her advice (wanted or not) on something going on in my life.
I believe she is around though...and these songs says it better than any words I could write...
I Believe
Written by Skip Ewing/Donny Kees
Sung by Diamond Rio-(all rights reserved by artists and shit)
Every now and then soft as breath upon my skin
I feel you come back again
And it’s like you haven’t been gone a moment from my side
Like the tears were never cried
Like the hands of time are holding you and me
And with all my heart I’m sure we’re closer than we ever were
I don’t have to hear or see, I’ve got all the proof I need
There are more than angels watching over me
I believe, I believe
Chorus
That when you die your life goes on
It doesn’t end here when you’re gone
Every soul is filled with light
It never ends and if I’m right
Our love can even reach across eternity
I believe, I believe
Forever, you’re a part of me
Forever, in the heart of me
And I’ll hold you even longer if I can
The people who don’t see the most
Say that I believe in ghosts
And if that makes me crazy, then I am
‘Cause I believe
There are more than angels watching over me
I believe, I believe
Three Wooden Crosses
sung by Randy Travis
A farmer and a teacher, a hooker and a preacher,
Ridin' on a midnight bus bound for Mexico.
One's headed for vacation, one for higher education,
And two of them were searchin' for lost souls.
That driver never ever saw the stop sign.
An' eighteen wheelers can't stop on a dime.
There are three wooden crosses on the right side of the highway,
Why there's not four of them, Heaven only knows.
I guess it's not what you take when you leave this world behind you,
It's what you leave behind you when you go.
That farmer left a harvest, a home and eighty acres,
The faith an' love for growin' things in his young son's heart.
An' that teacher left her wisdom in the minds of lots of children:
Did her best to give 'em all a better start.
An' that preacher whispered: "Can't you see the Promised Land?"
As he laid his blood-stained bible in that hooker's hand.
There are three wooden crosses on the right side of the highway,
Why there's not four of them, Heaven only knows.
I guess it's not what you take when you leave this world behind you,
It's what you leave behind you when you go.
That's the story that our preacher told last Sunday.
As he held that blood-stained bible up,
For all of us to see.
He said: "Bless the farmer, and the teacher, an' the preacher;
Who gave this Bible to my mamma,
Who read it to me."
There are three wooden crosses on the right side of the highway,
Why there's not four of them, now I guess we know.
It's not what you take when you leave this world behind you,
It's what you leave behind you when you go.
There are three wooden crosses on the right side of the highway.
Though I "feel" her...I still miss her terribly....and
I hate that my sperm-donor dishonors her and can forsake his children for some trailer trash whore. We've never really been close as father and daughter should be, but you'd think the dumb dick would try to make amends before his time comes.Guess it's wishful thinking, a hope long past time of giving up. But those who know me, know I don't easily give up hope no matter how impossible things look. Guess you could say I've always been a dreamer or a silly heart (ode to Uncle Buck) but sometimes all a person has is that little shred of hope to grasp onto to stay afloat in life.
This time of year, in particular this year, the one I love dearly is going through his first Christmas season without his father being around. the first year after a death is the toughest and it doesn't really get easier, least not for me...I just have learned to live with what I feel a little bit more each day and year. I wish I could do something to help him more than just being here for him, but I can't. I wish his remaining family was more connected or at least would make an effort to connect to him during this time of year, if at no other. But ...
So celebrating this season won't be filled with lights or a tree or even a bell on the door. It'll just be. No carols no, no snow (I'm hoping) no seasonal movies or cartoons shared. I think it'd be too painful for him. Seeing his reactions to holiday ads on tv are more than enough to tell me that.
Not to say that I won't miss those things, because I will. Not enough to want to torture his thoughts anymore or add to his grief. I love him too much to do that. Though , knowing him he'll feel bad cause he feels bad and isn't jolly old saint nick reincarnated.
But then again, he's not much on holidays in general, so...
But I will prolly send out a few greeting cards, write a few emails and sing Christmas carols to the critters and make it through this holiday season.
Who knows, maybe I'll even "Get Lucky" this season...it could happen...
Oh, Btw,
Merry Christmas.....mostly...
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